no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
