i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My ass is underappreciated
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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