Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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