I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
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I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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