im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
