my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
