Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We left the knife in your bed.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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