My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
