I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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