dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize