He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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