Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
