Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
