I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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