Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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