Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
