So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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