they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
