OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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