DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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