why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
