So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
