Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
That accounts for only three of the penises
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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