You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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