Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's like God shit irony all over that family
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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