Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
His nipple licking is glorious
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