I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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