I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
