i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
