Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I am one with the molecules
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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