Got a toothbrush?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
