Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
