so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize