It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
