My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
