OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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