when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I could make wine with my vomit
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
