the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I want to fling myself into the sun
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
