i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
