When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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