very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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