the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
