You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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