Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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