I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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