I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
