is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
