So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I need to wash the frat house off of me
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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