I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
