Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
