ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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