We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
