whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
