is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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