She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
