Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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