he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
