Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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