i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
