If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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