I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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