My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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