sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
