if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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