I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
