the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
