I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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